Thursday, February 28, 2013

MOTHERHOOD PART TWO: Moms, Would You Rather Face a Starving Barracuda Or A Disappointed Daughter? Trying To Leave on a Trip Without the Kids


For all the wild and wooly and crazy adventures I’ve had in my life.... from leaping off of New Zealand bridges to skiing through avalanches in the Sawtooths to (stupidly) feeding zillion-feet-long barracudas hot-dogs while scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef..... there really is no adventure greater than getting ready to leave the kids for 4 days with the husband in charge.

It’s not the husband. It’s the download. The download of massive amounts of information. And the unbelievable amount of detail that must be regurgitated from my zipping and whirling noggin into and down the throat of my poor husband as I flap-flap out the door, headed to my SFO, Jet-Blue jet-plane.

"Susi is picking up Sally at 8am for the soccer game and Cheryl will then grab both girls and drive them to the birthday party at 11am then Jo, meanwhile, will come over for a play-date between 9-noon for George and then don’t forget he’s allergic to cranberries and the birthday presents are on the table but don’t forget to have them make cards and Mark left his backpack so swing that by their house on your way to Safeway where you need to pick up the juice boxes and wheat-free muffins for the bongo-show at school tomorrow at 8:30am after drop off and then you’ll need to remember to actually drop-off the field trip form or else Sally can’t go (and thus you would break her heart. Forever.)”

Seriously.

How to convey that to an eager husband stepping in last minute?

Flow chart? Spreadsheets? iPhone ap? Incoherent babbling to a wide-eyed hubby? (Go to your happy place, husband… Go there…) There's got to be a storage Cloud out there somewhere with our name on it. 

And no wonder the rich and famous have personal assistants up the wazoo helping them organize their children and their bathroom tissue as they flit around the country on excursions and spa tours........ if i had that kind of cash, i'd have one for everyone of us in the family. Including the dog.

But, here, there is no whisking off. There is no personal assistant. And this is no place for perfection. Download complete and hope, pray for salvation when something is missed.

For I might rather face a ravenous, hot-dog hungry, Great Barrier Reef barracuda than my daughter’s bottom lip trembling, blue eyes welling, soul-crushing face when she finds out that Mommy has forgotten to tell Daddy that today is Pajama Day at school…. 

Yes, give me an avalanche any day.

Namaste & Three Cheers! –OM

Ps. If anyone has the answer, lemme know…. !

2 comments:

  1. Okay, so I found your blog while looking for tent reviews,and I'm loving everything I've read so far. I am right there with you! Thanks for putting a smile on my face today!

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    1. ha! don't you think it's the photos that do for this one?..... every time i look at them, they crack me up. i'm having fun.

      and, thanks so much for cheer, michelle, i'm so glad you're enjoying it, from the Marriage Saver tent - which i really swear by - to the Barracuda vs. unhappy kiddo...... keep on reading and i'll keep on writing the truth!!! ;)

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