Monday, July 2, 2012

5 Ways to Pack for Your Family Summer Trip in 6 Minutes or Less: The Vermont Chronicles

Just the Start of Our Packing Pandemonium




Heading out with the fam this summer? Here are some EXPERT tips to make sure you pack like a pro:

First – Before unzipping the suitcase, first make sure to plan your trip to a laid back, back-woods, anti-country or beach club, no-golf-pants-or-pink-and-green-belts-with-whales-or-Labradors-on-them allowed location. Like, in our case, a barn somewhere in Vermont. If you have chosen a more high-maintenance packing location, specifically where the popular summer drink is some sort of hard liquor & Tonic consumed in Tervis Tumblers with Monograms or Boats on them with loads of ladies named Muffy milling around, you have planned improperly. Cancel that trip and start over.

Next – Rummage through your kids’ closets and pick out the dregs – the Chez Target paint, magic marker, school-dirt, stain covered clothes that you’d be mortified to have them seen in public in outside of school property (where it is culturally OK to send them to school in rags because everything gets ruined or lost anyway.) Pick out said dregs and toss ‘em into the giant L.L. Bean all purpose duffle. Bingo. Their clothes for the trip. And, what, no folding? No, no folding. Who’s going to care about the wrinkles in your Hello Kitty chocolate stained, scissor-holed shirt? The mosquitos?

Third – Run around the house frenetically with plastic, Ziplock-anti-altitude-explosion baggies and grab all tubes and tubs of half used sunscreens, bug dope, Neosporins, anti-itch creams, toothpastes, Benadryls.

Don’t Forget – Shoes. As much as I like think we’re going back to the old days of bare-feet and firefly catching in jam-jars like some Claritin commercial, the kids need shoes. #1 Keens. You know my feeling about Keens – oh yes they’re good for everything especially trudging through frog ponds’ mucky bottoms where they won’t get shoes sucked off with every step (sorry Crocs, you lose out majorly here.) #2 Sneaks. Don’t forget the sneaks… and prepare to toss ‘em at the end of the trip as they’ll be un-revivable, even with Oxy Wash resuscitation, after weeks of no-sock, stanky feet abuse. And, #3 oh, ok… throw in the Crocs. Though they don’t pass the sucking off of shoe in muck test, they do pass the slip-and-go and dry-and-go go go summer open-air foot test. 3 pair per kid. Check!

Don’t Pack – Fido. Or Woofus. Or Sparky. Leave the 20-90 lb. pooch at home. Send him to the fab doggie summer camp just outside of town near the eau-de-cow pastures or leave him with a tummy-rubbing dog sitter. Hot summer airplanes are not meant for big dogs. Though small, yappy ones are acceptable. Maybe.

Hair brush, optional. Dental floss a must.

Everything else is just an extra 25 bucks per bag and a fight with the baggage handler.

Happy Packing!

Namaste & Three Cheers –a

(And, my friends, this is the start of The OM Vermont Chronicles. Two weeks of adventure and itchy summery goop from the wilds of the Green Mountain State. Stay tuned…)

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