Monday, December 2, 2013

We Lost the Damn Elf on The Shelf. Motherhood Part Two.

Where could our elf be? Found straddling a wine bottle with an unsavory gnome next to the mini-martini glasses?

Blink. Blink.

My eight year old's eyes blinked at me as I looked back at her just as wide-eyed.

My little Cindy-Loo-Who with her floppy eyelashes and big blue orbs had just, blink-blink, reminded me that, "Mama, it's December 1st. Where's Jolly?"

Jolly is the name of the spaghetti-legged, holiday-good-time Elf on the Shelf that had moved in at Christmas a few years ago. His original purpose for arrival into our household was to "make sure the kids were behaving 'Nice'."... As our Jolly supposedly reports all naughty or nice kid-centric behavior back to Santa each night via either magical fairy dust or, most likely, WiFi and an iPad.

Blink. Blink.

Last year, Jolly, our Elf on the Shelf, had gotten into some trouble around here. No, not for assaulting the reindeer ornaments, but for not doing his job. The kids were NOT behaving (see last year's post) and he did some solitary confinement time in the junk drawer.

And by the time Christmas was over, off he was tucked into some special place somewhere where the kids would never find him. Which is why last night my husband and i were digging through every Christmas box and "secret hiding place" with flashlights and headlamps and excavation equipment to try and find his fuzzy arse. 

Where the hedge was Jolly?

On safari in Africa?

Parading through the streets of New Orleans?

Assaulting reindeer in the North Pole with a bottle o' EggNog and a dream?

Likely not. Likely, he's squashed in some unfortunate corner in some unfortunate box in some unfortunate hidey-spot in our house. 

After 30 minutes of Search and Hope for Rescue, we gave up and shared a melancholy nod of agreement that a trip to the Xmas store was in order tomorrow for a replacement… 

For as every parent knows, whether it's a dead hamster, a floating fish, or a lost Elf on the Shelf, the most important thing for family peace and harmony during the holidays is keeping the magic alive and majorly pulling the wool over your kids' eyes at every moment possible.

Namaste & Three Cheers -OM

For more on Elf on the Shelf & FUNNY!
Rant: Will our Banished Elf on the Shelf Redeem Himself in time for Christmas?
Skiing Elf on a Shelf
Hilarious Elf on a Shelf Photos



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