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| I Would Chose a Mtn Lion Over a Sewing Job |
As
a great outdoorswoman, I’d like to think that I could fend off a Grizzly and
karate-chop a Mountain Lion if it came down to it. Slice ‘em up and have ‘em
for breakfast.
I
could saw off my own arm when pinned in a boulder and make it back safely in
time for brunch. I could whittle a stick into a spear and catch my own salmon dinner.
I could make moccasins out of the pelts of deer-mice and find water in the cups
of leaves to quench my thirst.
However,
as I sit here, attempting to sew on patches for my daughter’s Brownie sash, and
I have come up against my own personal not-carnivorous-animal hell.
The
patches are made of concrete. My fingertips are RAW as they push, wheedle,
force the teeny, tiny, little needle through the other side. The hour I’ve already put into this one %@$#$
patch bodes poorly for the timing for the next seven patches. Urg.
I
already tried ironing them on. But apparently my ironing-stickiness-skills are
about as good as my Brownie patch sewing skills….. every single patch fell off
during troop meeting, and my daughters’ patches came back attached in a clump
with a giant silver safety pin. The shame!!!!
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| My "Sewing Kit" -- The Horror! |
My
girls are getting a kick out of Mommy’s ineptitude in this area. They are
seeing that Mommy isn’t perfect and that I can stink at some things. I don’t
scoff at these skills, but I am just not very good at them.
The
closest I came to instruction about sewing was in Senior Advanced Bio class
where I removed the ovaries of a very sweet little mouse and then got to sew
her back up, having practiced my surgical knots ahead of time. (Yes, the mouse
made it and could now have wild, passionate lady-mouse sex w/no fear of
quintuplets.)
And
if my, ahem, “sewing kit” had anything to say about it, it would put itself up
for adoption immediately. (Craigslist Ad: One sad, tangled “sewing kit” looking
for a loving, untangled family…)
Clearly,
I will NOT be getting a Mommy Brownie patch for this attempt. The final result
after stabbing myself one too many times UNDERNEATH my fingernail is a Brownie
sash with somewhat lopsided, pulling, patches placed around it. But you know
what, made with love. And that’s the story I’m sticking to!
Namaste
& Three Cheers to you sewing people! -OM
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