As a nature-y sort of person, I have a respect for bugs.
Yes, they’re creepy and crawly and some are just downright disgusting and slimy
and hideous.
But I have no problem with them. Knowing that most play an
important part in the circle of life, food-chain schmaltz.
But there is one creature (other than my nemesis the
mosquito) that I have found no reason in the world for it’s existence – for what the hedge part in that Disney-esque
circle of life does the vile little LICE bug play??
Other than disrupting our
children’s lily-white, innocent scalps – and making a pile-load of work for already
overtired moms and dads of elementary school aged kids throughout the land??? (washing, re-washing, combing, poking, prodding,
laundry, sheets, ad-nauseum!)
Frankly, I don’t like you, you little, skittery, procreating,
pedophilic-head-obsessed lice. And I’m not afraid to admit it. Why?
The Horror: It first
starts with the embarrassed phone call from the school. Uh, your kid’s got lice….
Oh, god. What??? The idea that tiny, scrambly, six footed creatures have camped
out and started their own little life-cycle nursery in my kid’s lovely, naive
hair, complete with cozy, little, white bug bassinettes attached to my kid’s
hair follicles is completely HORRIFYING.
The Denial then Shame: Then comes round two after the shock
of the diagnosis – the denial followed quickly by SHAME and self-flagellation.
This could not be happening to my Cindy-Loo! Not my sparkling, squeaky-clean
little one. And then the other voices chime in: Yeah, but you forgot to wash
her hair last night, didn’t you? Or…
you let her go play at that kid’s house that has all those ANIMALS, shame on you mom!
The Treatment: Once you get through the horror and the shame
– all very normal – you realize it’s time to cut the histrionics and roll up
your sleeves. Get in there. Dive-bomb the suckers! It’s like all of a sudden, you’ve
turned into a Navy SEAL, ready to plunge out of the helicopter into the
deep-sea of six legged enemy territory: Nix Hair Treatment – Check! Funky
little lice comb – check! Regular shampoo – check! Towels to be used then
burned (or, ahem, washed) – check!
I’M GOING
IN!!!!!!!!!!
And, if that doesn’t work, call an expert. And, possibly, a
therapist ;)
Happy de-lousing. It’s that time of year again, folks.
Namaste & Three Cheers –a
Here are some actual helpful tips and sites:
-- WASH YOUR KIDS’ HAIR the day before lice check. It’s so
much easier, and less gross, for the “checker” to go through a clean head of
hair – and not get confused: is that shrapnel from the paint-gun fight last
weekend, a chunk of sand from boogie-boarding, or is that a real bug???
-- Keep your girls’ hair in tight doos. No flowing 70’s
locks during lice season.
-- Check around through your school grapevine for “experts”
who do lice treatments. There is a whole industry around lice, and some are
much more expensive than others. Shop around (yes, in your panic/horror mode…)
-- Talk to the Pharmacist before you buy home treatment. Our
pharmacist did not like the brand they were selling and sent us to a different
pharmacy to buy the one they had! Love that.
-- Find a non-hysterical website to explain. Something like: http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/conditions/a/head_lice.htm
-- And, finally, remember -- you are not alone. There are many, many other families going through the same thing right now. Sorta like a secret society. So hold your head up high, and wear a hat.
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