As a nature-y sort of person, I have a respect for bugs. Yes, they’re creepy and crawly and some are just downright disgusting and slimy and hideous.
But I have no problem with them. Knowing that most play an important part in the circle of life, food-chain schmaltz.
But there is one creature (other than my nemesis the mosquito) that I have found no reason in the world for it’s existence – for what the hedge part in that Disney-esque circle of life does the vile little LICE bug play??
Other than disrupting our children’s lily-white, innocent scalps – and making a pile-load of work for already overtired moms and dads of elementary school aged kids throughout the land??? (washing, re-washing, combing, poking, prodding, laundry, sheets, ad-nauseum!)
Frankly, I don’t like you, you little, skittery, procreating, pedophilic-head-obsessed lice. And I’m not afraid to admit it. Why?
The Horror: It first starts with the embarrassed phone call from the school. Uh, your kid’s got lice…. Oh, god. What??? The idea that tiny, scrambly, six footed creatures have camped out and started their own little life-cycle nursery in my kid’s lovely, naive hair, complete with cozy, little, white bug bassinettes attached to my kid’s hair follicles is completely HORRIFYING.
The Denial then Shame: Then comes round two after the shock of the diagnosis – the denial followed quickly by SHAME and self-flagellation. This could not be happening to my Cindy-Loo! Not my sparkling, squeaky-clean little one. And then the other voices chime in: Yeah, but you forgot to wash her hair last night, didn’t you? Or… you let her go play at that kid’s house that has all those ANIMALS, shame on you mom!
The Treatment: Once you get through the horror and the shame – all very normal – you realize it’s time to cut the histrionics and roll up your sleeves. Get in there. Dive-bomb the suckers! It’s like all of a sudden, you’ve turned into a Navy SEAL, ready to plunge out of the helicopter into the deep-sea of six legged enemy territory: Nix Hair Treatment – Check! Funky little lice comb – check! Regular shampoo – check! Towels to be used then burned (or, ahem, washed) – check!
I’M GOING IN!!!!!!!!!!
And, if that doesn’t work, call an expert. And, possibly, a therapist ;)
Happy de-lousing. It’s that time of year again, folks.
Namaste & Three Cheers –a
Here are some actual helpful tips and sites:
-- WASH YOUR KIDS’ HAIR the day before lice check. It’s so much easier, and less gross, for the “checker” to go through a clean head of hair – and not get confused: is that shrapnel from the paint-gun fight last weekend, a chunk of sand from boogie-boarding, or is that a real bug???
-- Keep your girls’ hair in tight doos. No flowing 70’s locks during lice season.
-- Check around through your school grapevine for “experts” who do lice treatments. There is a whole industry around lice, and some are much more expensive than others. Shop around (yes, in your panic/horror mode…)
-- Talk to the Pharmacist before you buy home treatment. Our pharmacist did not like the brand they were selling and sent us to a different pharmacy to buy the one they had! Love that.
-- Find a non-hysterical website to explain. Something like: http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/conditions/a/head_lice.htm
-- And, finally, remember -- you are not alone. There are many, many other families going through the same thing right now. Sorta like a secret society. So hold your head up high, and wear a hat.